Women are often praised for being good at juggling, but I am not convinced that this is always the compliment it is meant to be. More often than not, it suggests that women should simply absorb an ever-growing mix of professional and personal responsibilities, keep everything moving and make the effort look effortless. The problem is not that women need to become better at managing impossible demands. It is that business still too often treats permanent availability as proof of commitment.

This September, I will spend two days at SMM in Hamburg, meeting customers, colleagues and partners at one of the most important events in the maritime calendar. On the Thursday, my son starts school, and I will be there with him. SMM will take place again; his first day at school will not.

That should not be a controversial decision, yet many senior people, and women in particular, still feel the need to explain choices like this. There remains an expectation that leadership means attending every meeting, accepting every invitation, answering every message and allowing little outside work to influence the diary. The person who is always available is often assumed to be the most committed.
I do not believe that is true. Running a company is about judgement, not constant visibility, and there are times when the right decision is to be somewhere else.

There are, of course, moments when the managing director must be in the room and decisions that cannot be delegated. There are also many occasions when good leadership means trusting the people around you, giving them responsibility and accepting that they may handle something differently from the way you would. A strong company should not stop functioning because one individual is unavailable for a day, and a leader who tries to hold every detail too tightly can end up weakening the team rather than strengthening it.

This matters when shipping talks about attracting and retaining more women. The industry is right to encourage women into maritime careers and senior positions, but recruitment campaigns will only go so far if the culture around leadership still assumes that family responsibilities should remain invisible. Talented people will not stay in an industry where progression appears to require permanent availability, endless flexibility and the willingness to treat every personal commitment as negotiable.

The language we use does not always help. Women who manage demanding careers and family lives are still described as “superwomen” or praised for “having it all”, as though the ideal is to carry an unreasonable amount of pressure without ever letting it show. Those labels may be well intentioned, but they risk turning exhaustion into something admirable and making silent coping the standard to which women should aspire.

Nor is this only about women. Fathers should be able to attend a first day at school, a medical appointment or an important family occasion without feeling that their professionalism will be questioned. A healthier working culture benefits everyone, and companies that allow people to have lives outside work are more likely to keep experienced, capable staff.

We also need to be more honest about the reality of senior roles. There are weeks when work and family clash, occasions when something has to give and decisions that will not satisfy everyone. Pretending otherwise helps nobody. What matters is having the confidence to decide what genuinely requires your attention and working in an organisation mature enough to accept that one family commitment does not outweigh years of professional contribution.

For me, good leadership means knowing where my presence will make the greatest difference, surrounding myself with people I trust and being prepared to let them lead when I am not there. It also means recognising that some moments in life cannot simply be postponed because the business calendar is full. I will give SMM two very full days this September. On Thursday morning, I will be with my son, exactly where I need to be.

By Silke Fehr, Managing Director, Top Glory Marine Service